The line in the sand...

So I have had a lot on my mind lately, but no real time to write it down.

While this may not be the most organized, here's what's been going on in my head (prepare for soapbox moments):

This weekend was General Conference (In case you've been living under a rock) and it seems that all of the messages were directed in some part to things that I have been pondering. While usually there is one or two messages that seem to personally touch me and make me think "that was just for me", I am having a hard time picking out a particular talk this time. All of the talks were "just for me" it seems.

In fact, even now, looking over the talks and topics, I am thinking "wow...that was good" or "oh, I want to listen to that one again!"

In the past month or so, I have noticed a shift in my life and it has become quite disconcerting. The shift is in the number of people I have around me that do not believe what I believe and that actively promote their contrary beliefs to mine. For the most part, they leave messages on their walls in Facebook about some random thing that BYU did to some poor picked on student who wasn't living up to the standards set forth by the private institution in order to attend the prestigious university. I was able to easily overlook those and continue on with my life not thinking much about it.

Lately, however, it's been amped up a notch. It seems every time I turn around, there's a discussion about how there is no god; that our existence here is just a flash in the pan and then it's over; how we shouldn't be guilted by organized religion into not being able to do what we wanted in this life to be happy. Again, I shrugged it off. These were my friends. I love them. I accept them for who they are. I try not to judge them and say "whatever makes them happy".

Then General Conference came and I was uplifted by the messages of hope and faith. I felt the spirit. It was wonderful....that is, until I got on Facebook and read the posts made by the friends I surrounded myself with. Sure, I have lots of friends that believe the same things as I do and we all posted how great conference was, but the one or two messages of contempt from the others somehow diminished the whole effect.

I actually read one post twice because I thought perhaps I was being unfair to them. In the end though, I deleted them as a friend. While they won't realize, I am sure, that I have deleted them right away, it never the less was a difficult decision for me. I didn't delete them out of spite or anger or any of those feelings, but more out of a desire for mutual respect. When it comes to my religion, I am not a pushy person, so I guess I felt disrespected being subjected to their beliefs in such an unceremoniously brutal fashion. I would never tell them what to believe and I would request the same courtesy, so us not being friends seemed the easiest solution. I am not going to delete all my friends who don't believe what I do, but it begs the question....will I have to one day? Right now, it's just the really outspoken ones, but there's a line drawn out in the sand somewhere and one day we will all meet at it...what then? These are my friends...and family...I love them. What then?

So, shrugging off the bad taste of deletion in my mouth, I went on my merry way and looked forward to the rest of my week.

Last night was Glee, and while there are some that scoff, I actually have like the show. I like their different renditions of popular songs and it's more light hearted than some of the shows that are currently on television. I was excited to watch last night's episode.

And then it started. One of the main characters in the sitcom made a sandwich and on that sandwich was a burn pattern and in that burn pattern was a shadow of what some COULD say looked like Jesus. At first I thought it was amusing, wondering how they would carry this through the episode, but then the character started to pray to the grilled cheese sandwich, which he called "cheesus" (no, I am not kidding). Perhaps it was stupid of me, but I shrugged it off and continued to watch the show, again wondering where they were taking this story line. The character showed up to school the next day in class and wanted to have a week of religious songs. All of the other characters were up in arms. The division between school and state was brought into it. One student was atheist and when his father ended up in the hospital, he raged at his peers when they were praying for his father. The whole episode had the undertone and message that there is no god. While other religions were represented, in my opinion, the atheistic point of view had more weight to it. Needless to say, by the end of the show, I was questioning again. I already sensor pretty much most of what I watch, but am I going to have to cut out all forms of popular media?



"The old saying, 'The Lord is voting for me, and Lucifer is voting against me, but it's MY vote that counts,' describes a doctrinal certainty that our agency is more powerful than the adversary's will. Agency is precious. We can foolishly, blindly give it away, but it cannot be forcibly taken from us.

"There is also an age-old excuse: 'The devil made me do it.' Not so! He can deceive you and mislead you, but he does not have the power to force you or anyone else into transgression or to keep you there." ~ President Boyd K. Packer, 2010 General Conference

"Satan's increasing influence in the world is allowed to provide an atmosphere in which to prove ourselves. While he causes havoc today, Satan's final destiny was fixed by Jesus Christ through His Atonement and Resurrection. The devil will not triumph. Even now he must operate within bounds set by the Lord. He cannot take away any blessing that has been earned. He cannot alter character that has been woven from righteous decisions. He has no power to destroy the eternal bonds forged in a holy temple between a husband, wife and children. He cannot quench true faith. He cannot take away your testimony. Yes, these things can be lost by succumbing to his temptations. But he has no power in and of himself to destroy them." ~ Elder Richard G. Scott, 2010 General Conference

"An ever-present danger to the family is the onslaught of evil forces that seem to come from every direction. While our primary effort must be to seek light and truth, we would be wise to black out our homes from the lethal bombs that destroy spiritual development and growth. Pornography, in particular, is a weapon of mass moral destruction. It's impact is at the forefront in eroding moral values. Some TV programs and Internet site are equally lethal. These evil forces remove light and hope from the world. The level of decadence is accelerating. If we do not black out evil from our homes and lives, do not be surprised if devastating moral explosions shatter the peace which is the reward for righteous living. Our responsibility is to be in the world but not of the world." ~ Elder Quentin L. Cook, 2010 General Conference

Answers.

Truth of the matter is, it is getting harder to exsist in this world and not be of the world. It's going to get harder.

The last thought I have been having lately is: am I ashamed of God?

Those that know me, know that I am pretty much open to all people and will, for the most part, accept them for who they are, but that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I believe it.

Lately though, with being caught in the onslaught of others' thoughs of what is right and what is wrong in this world and how unfairly people are being treated in this area or that area, I have started to ask myself, why am I subjected to all their negativity about my religion and why is it wrong for me to post the things that I believe in? If I believe in God, should I not say so? If I feel inclined to post a particular scripture or religious quote, shouldn't I?

I would like very much to say that I am not ashamed of God, but the truth is that I have not behaved as though I weren't ashamed. In the past, if I wanted to post something, the first thing that would come to mind is my desire not to hurt or offend anyone's feelings. I don't want to step on toes. I want us all to get along, like we should.

...but there is a line out there in the sand somewhere...

If I am right, this blog, while not searchable, is not set to private, so there is the off chance that someone other that a friend or family member will read this. And there is a strong chance that they won't agree with something or all of which I have said. They may be upset.

But here it is:

I am not ashamed. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I know this gospel to be true. I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I believe that the Book of Mormon is a true historical account. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior; that he broke the bonds of death; and that he lives even now. I believe that there is an afterlife. I believe that President Thomas S. Monson a prophet of God, chosen by God to lead this church. I support him as prophet, seer and revelator. I believe that President Uchtdorf and President Eyring were also chosen of God as were the other tweleve apostles. I believe the messages that they give us every General Conference are inspired of God and that they are for our benefit. I believe I am a daughter of God, that he knows me personally and that he loves me. I have a purpose.

I believe in God. I believe.

You may not like me now. You may not care. You may even delete me as a friend from Facebook. I will no longer live as though I am ashamed of my Savior.

And someday we will get to that line in the sand and when we do, you will know where I stand.

But I have to tell you, that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It's teachings are true and the LDS beliefs have brought peace and happiness to my life! And it can do the same for yours too!

It's going to get harder...but I trust in the Lord.